WARNING: If you receive an email entitled "Ridiculous VIRUS," delete it immediately.
No virus software can detect this virus!

DO NOT OPEN IT!
Apparently this one is pretty nasty. It will not only erase everything on your hard drive, but it will also delete anything on disks within 20 feet of your computer. It demagnetizes the stripes on ALL of your credit cards. It reprograms your ATM access codes, screws up the tracking on your VCR and uses subspace field harmonics to scratch any CD's you attempt to play. It will program your telephone auto dialer to call only 900 numbers. This virus will mix antifreeze into your fish tank. It will drink ALL your beer.

FOR GOD'S SAKE, ARE YOU LISTENING? ! ! ! !
The Ridiculous VIRUS will leave dirty underwear on the coffee table when you are expecting company. It will replace your shampoo with Nair and your Nair with Rogaine, all the while dating your current boy/girlfriend behind your back and billing their hotel rendezvous to your Visa card. It will cause you to run with scissors by the pool and throw things in a way that is only fun until someone loses an eye. It will rewrite your backup files, changing all your active verbs to passive tense and incorporating undetectable misspellings that grossly change the interpretations of key sentences.

IF YOU DON'T HELP, THIS COULD BE THE END! ! ! !
If the Ridiculous VIRUS message is opened in a Windows 95/98 environment, it will leave the toilet seat up and leave your hair dryer plugged in dangerously close to a full bathtub. It will not only remove the forbidden tags from your mattresses and pillows, it will also refill your skim milk with whole milk. This virus will fill your dishwasher but won't turn it on so when you need a clean plate or some silverware there won't be any! God help us!

PLEASE LISTEN! THIS IS FOR REAL! ! ! !
If the Ridiculous VIRUS message is opened in a Windows NT or 3.1 environments, it will look at nudie magazines until you need glasses. It will use the last of the toilet paper and not replace the roll. It will make you forget your wedding anniversary and it will smear lipstick on all of your shirt collars! All your phone messages will be erased and all the caller ID entries you've been meaning to write down will be cleared! Oh the Horror!!

HEY YOU! ! I'M NOT KIDDING HERE, PAY ATTENTION! ! ! !
If the Ridiculous VIRUS message is opened on a MACINTOSH computer, it will open a rift in the space-time continuum and create a paradox that will consume the entire galaxy. It will hide the TV remote and make you forget to turn off the coffee pot when you go on vacation. It will eat the last of the bologna and drink your last Pepsi and then act as if nothing happened! It'll borrow your car, drive through mud and down gravel roads and return it with the gas tank empty and the ashtray full. AAAHH!!

* * WARN AS MANY PEOPLE AS YOU CAN. * *
And if you don't send this to 5000 people in 20 seconds you'll fart so hard that your right leg will spasm, shoot straight out in front of you and kick an electrical outlet, shooting out sparks that will ignite the person closest to you. If you send this to less than 100 people it will start the countdown to launch of all the nuclear missiles on the planet and World War 3 will be ALL YOUR FAULT!!!!

STOP READING ALREADY AND SEND THIS TO EVERYONE! ! ! !
PLEASE POST IT ON EVERY NEWSGROUP! ! ! !
SHOUT IT FROM THE TALLEST MOUNTIAN! ! ! !
WRITE A THOUSAND EMAILS TO MCAFEE TO WARN THEM! ! ! !
TURN OFF YOUR PC UNTIL YOU HEAR ON THE NEWS THAT IT'S SAFE! ! ! !
If you are an AOL user we already know that you'll send it to everyone you know just like you do with every other piece of mail you get. If you're reading this to a blond, please assure her that this is just a joke. Hopefully the rest of you already know that this is a joke, but just in case, please read the next sentence.

This is a joke.


Now go HOME.